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What I've Said Out Loud

by Ellery

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1.
Nights like this were meant for lovers That’s how they begin Whisper soft like angel songs That drift in on the wind But it only takes a word To make you shudder in your soul And that’s all it took tonight To leave us both like steel and stone Chorus: But I can’t live without you Oh I know I made a mess I cursed and cried about you, I could not have meant it less I could not have meant it less We were never strong enough To keep this in our heads But we were never meant to say These stupid things we’ve said And I don’t trust me anymore Than you can trust me now Oh but I can’t help hoping good will come Though I can’t tell you how CHORUS And I’m no good at this, It’s like the story of my life How I’ve been pounding fists Against the one sure thing in mine You’re the one sure thing in mine
2.
Wake Up Dear 03:45
I woke to what was safer late at night With the lights dim Illuminated, it’s staring me down Now I’m not any braver than I’ve ever been, And you’ve never been One to let me feel like I could never let you down Was I just too quiet all those moments I could feel it Weighing on our frail and aging dreams? Thought I was supposed to fight it, maybe wait it out, Shake my doubts But that’s not how either of us wanted it to be CHORUS: Wake up, Dear It’s colder inside than Your faith or my fear can shoulder this time It got cast aside like all the letters I keep telling you I’ll write When things slow down, but what does that mean That I’ll start living life when I can make it fit, Maybe I'll start caring for you sometime in between? CHORUS Go ahead, I’m listening Got an ear for disappointment I can hear it on my breath It’s the same, same story I can hear it in your sweet sigh CHORUS
3.
Anna  03:33
She was falling asleep with the light on, waiting With her back to the door and the whole world, fading He was never no good if he’d leave her, that way But it’s funny how that’s never made this, okay CHORUS: Anna, hang on There is more where all this came from Well the news made her more than a name but, barely To the small town of Troy and the Carman, family Who were told it would be like it all was, back then That the world could pretend like it never, happened CHORUS In your short life, you’ve lived a thousand times You stood so brave, they robbed you blind The truth is, there’ll be harder times It’s okay to say you’re fine But I’ll be waiting back behind (and) you can make your troubles mine CHORUS
4.
Arizona 03:47
Said he’s doing just fine 95, and biding his time Empty notebooks and bottles of wine Collecting newspapers and library fines We’re talkin’ thousands of days They came, they stayed, and faded lazy away Left him standing with that look on his face Knows he’s got too much and nothing to say CHORUS: With the whole world, watching him go Saying live your life or leave us all alone Us young ones with our never growing old And his sun goes setting low - in Arizona It was a Saturday night He wiped his eyes and turned out the lights Sixty years and then a silent goodbye He still forgets and calls her name sometimes He said he’s easy to please Short sleeves and jeans with grease on the knees When you’re outliving every one of your dreams Don’t do no good to wonder what it all means CHORUS She said, “Baby, there’s never been much time We’ve known it all our lives” I think she was right CHORUS
5.
Please, don’t say a word Still, don’t make a sound Gentle, I am barely here Trust comes slow for me Not my deep regret Maybe you would rather leave CHORUS: Don’t close your eyes They always do, they walk away I need to know I haven’t lost my only chance (to be the person I wanted to be) I have never been one to ask too much Tell me if it’s getting late Every day is new But I feel the same Still defined by who I’ve been CHORUS So, you’ve heard it now This, the song I sing Underneath the face that smiles back And says hello And wonders if you’ll ever see much more CHORUS
6.
Pieces 03:26
Figured it out, I should have figured it out by now It’s nothing but a wish; we all dream of something greater Ever a doubt, if there was ever any doubt You find out what you are, yeah, you find out sooner or later Kept my mouth shut, I should have kept my mouth shut baby It’s nothing but trouble oh it’s had me here before No matter what, no matter what I hear me saying It’s never what I could have said on the other side of your door CHORUS: Pieces, I’m in pieces I’m in pieces, I’m invisible Let it all go, I should have let it all go Me and all my taking myself so seriously Enough to know, you’ve been around enough to know I’d make a mess of plenty more if it was up to me CHORUS Or am I, am I blind? We both lied, we both mind I won’t cry this time I always say, I always say I’m fine Just fine, just fine CHORUS
7.
It’s quiet in Kentucky You never ask about me I never thought about it Until now It’s cloudy out my window Just another TV show And noises in the hallway Outside, and CHORUS: I guess I know better now That few things ever go The way that we mean anyhow That’s better I suppose You thought that I was joking When I said I was worried I’d never love somebody Like you do It’s easier on some days I keep me busy anyway I read a lot on weekends Downtown, and CHORUS I called while you were working It’s easier than talking For just so many reasons And it’s funny how we speak so clear While such a mess inside I mean more than I’m saying here - You know that just as well as... CHORUS
8.
You did the best you could That’s all there ever is You always said I would Never quite get over this You meant it like a joke But you sounded so sure And anyway, I hoped I wouldn’t hear it anymore I love to hear you laugh, A sweet and airy sound It catches on your breath And lifts my feet up off the ground But oh, I’ve seen you cry A secret, darkened blush You hold it all in tight Or you will lose it in the rush CHORUS: It took a thousand lies To make these shadows in your eyes It’d take a thousand lives To make it right Sings out of you like prayer On soft and sailing songs It comes from God knows where It’s pushing you along But it feels in you like cold That’s how it’s always been You’re scared of getting old In this same thick and wintered skin CHORUS
9.
Long Coat On 04:03
It was a long winter for Katie And she had the worn look to show it Her roof was old and leaking, And she was tired of living below it She didn’t know who lived above her But this room below she knew too well She’d read books of friends and lovers And wanted stories of her own to tell CHORUS She had her long coat on She had that look in her eye She was wavin’ her hat in her hand When she said ‘goodbye’ Her mama stood there gawking by the doorway Would’ve never guessed she’d finally go Saw her pack then leave behind her suitcase Sat forgotten in the melting snow So Katie was away to find her freedom The winter held her in and let her go When they said it was a big world, she believed ‘em But I guess some people have to see to really know CHORUS It was a long winter for Katie But one day Katie had her chance And back home they never could stop saying How she left and barely gave them all a second glance... CHORUS
10.
I'm Sorry 04:18
It’s a dusty color gold Out my window on this winter afternoon And all the voices in me make no sound I wonder where you are Tonight I’m going out for coffee On my side of the world, the sun is going down, going down I’ve whispered the thought That maybe you’re more ready than I am To come to terms with what is going on Cause I have grown to hate The way I cover over all my weaknesses And say I don’t need anyone, anyone CHORUS: You fall asleep at night on a dirt floor And I fall asleep warm in my bed, wishing I had more I’m sorry You never asked for that Apologies, or songs that rhyme injustices That only you could know about But oh, I want to love you For more than how it makes me feel And I won’t be ashamed of what I’ve said out loud, said out loud CHORUS I fear for what I have For all that may be taken from me And even to the things that can’t I hold too tight So what am I to say I hope that there is grace enough to Lay beneath you, wrap around you warm tonight, warm tonight CHORUS
11.
Be Like This 03:33
Your voice was soft It always is That’s why I thought I’d get through this Your fingertips Light on my face Felt like a kiss That’s my mistake CHORUS: I was staying up all night Had every detail memorized I felt my edges start to slip I said I wouldn’t be like this Said I wouldn’t be like this I told you once The braver half Who I’d become if You ever left The less there is Of me to show The more I wish You didn’t know CHORUS You moved too close For me to think Straight, and so I let me sink It’s not your fault I wanted to I built the walls I can’t get through CHORUS And I apologize for The way my eyes won’t leave the floor CHORUS
12.
It's Alright 05:58
Remember how we chased it like shadows Life was the ocean; we wanted to swim Looking back now, it’s just how the path goes They tell you it’s over; you never begin We don’t give ourselves time - the way that we used to To watch it all happen, unfolding in sighs You’d think we were blind, the things we can see through The things we look past when emboldened inside CHORUS: But it’s alright now, it’s alright The ghosts of our glories are gray-bearded guides The sound of our sorrows has stirred us inside (But) I think maybe I’ve never felt more alive I asked you just once if you thought we could be found You never did tell me; but I think I know now Whatever ship comes, by dark sea or gray cloud As long as the well’s deep, we make it somehow CHORUS I don’t know how to make peace or find it We’re most of us stories we’re scared to explain But what if there’s sound, somewhere caught behind this A song we can sing while we’re lying awake CHORUS

about

From 2007:
In the dusk of 2006, with a whirlwind of a year behind us, we came across a little bit of a dream. We've long talked about releasing a live CD, but we've shied away from it, in our fear of capturing mistakes, or in our fear that we'd be wasting our time. Or, when we've been unafraid, we've forgotten it -- in much the same uninteresting way in which one forgets anything.

But as we toured the country this year, many venues kindly recorded their shows, which left us with a growing collection of recordings that seemed to mark our journey, that captured the unfolding of our songs, the mysterious (and often hilarious) way in which a song moves from one meaning to another, the way we find ourselves in the music, or rather the way it finally finds its course through us and into the world.

We set out to collect some tracks into a live record, announcing its name and its coming to all our friends and fans. Ironically, the show we did after all of that is the one that ended up providing us with most of the material for the project you are now holding. Something about listening to the journey must have made the songs come together. At Rohs Street in December '06, they just felt right.

Some of these songs have been around for a long time, a couple are newer, and several are live versions from our 2006 release, Lying Awake. Regardless, each track is us, feeling at home, being at home, making a home for the two of us in the middle of some music in the middle of a stage. (Or perhaps in the middle of our living room.) We hope you enjoy it.

Thank you for listening. And thank you for making your home with us every now and then... It's such a gift.

- Ellery


There are shadows in the songs, she said
shadows, and these blank spaces like gasps,
or awful hesitations.
It's nothing musical, she said, I suppose--
Not that it matters, although sometimes,
or really in the best times, the music makes me--
lonely, or maybe just small, (it's me with all those
empty spaces you know, floating about like I'm
dreaming, except the words feel like earth and dirt
and breath, and those aren't so dreamy are they?
But they're sure. Most times.)
Does everything feel scarce and fleeting to you,
at least sometimes?
Because sometimes, she said, it does to me.
I think you know. There's some kind of--
frightened grasping in the songs. Shadows.
I've seen them before, underneath us,
underneath the smiles, wrinkles, porcelain,
the dirty smudges and lazy eyes.
They must haunt you, she said--

credits

released April 9, 2007

Produced by Ellery
Engineered by Justin Golden, Joshua Ruble, Brian Stritenberger, Jason at Gravity Lounge
Mixed by Justin Golden
Mastered by Brad Blackwood, Euphonic Masters, Memphis TN, www.euphonicmasters.com
Photography by Michael Wilson, michaelwilsonphotographer.com
Art and Design by Able Parris, Office of StudioQ, www.officeofstudioq.com

Justin plays Taylor Guitars

Ellery is Tasha and Justin Golden
www.ellerymusic.com

Studio versions of tracks 1, 3, 4, 7, 9, 11, 12 originally found on Ellery's 2006 Virt Records release, Lying Awake. Available online and at find record stores everywhere. www.virtrecords.com

All songs by Tasha Golden, music by Tasha and Justin Golden
Tracks 1, 3, 4, 7, 9, 11, 12 ©(p) 2006 Set Adrift Music (ASCAP), Songs 2, 5, 6, 8, 10 ©(p) 2007 Set Adrift Music (ASCAP). All rights reserved.

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Ellery Louisville, Kentucky

Ellery’s intimate, lush-pop songs are heard in feature films, TV dramas (ABC, SHOWTIME, FOX, NETFLIX), and taken them across the globe over years of touring. The band writes and records between research, mixing projects, and indulging two black cats. Ellery makes loud louds and quiet quiets. ... more

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