What I've Said Out Loud

by Ellery

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From 2007:
In the dusk of 2006, with a whirlwind of a year behind us, we came across a little bit of a dream. We've long talked about releasing a live CD, but we've shied away from it, in our fear of capturing mistakes, or in our fear that we'd be wasting our time. Or, when we've been unafraid, we've forgotten it -- in much the same uninteresting way in which one forgets anything.

But as we toured the country this year, many venues kindly recorded their shows, which left us with a growing collection of recordings that seemed to mark our journey, that captured the unfolding of our songs, the mysterious (and often hilarious) way in which a song moves from one meaning to another, the way we find ourselves in the music, or rather the way it finally finds its course through us and into the world.

We set out to collect some tracks into a live record, announcing its name and its coming to all our friends and fans. Ironically, the show we did after all of that is the one that ended up providing us with most of the material for the project you are now holding. Something about listening to the journey must have made the songs come together. At Rohs Street in December '06, they just felt right.

Some of these songs have been around for a long time, a couple are newer, and several are live versions from our 2006 release, Lying Awake. Regardless, each track is us, feeling at home, being at home, making a home for the two of us in the middle of some music in the middle of a stage. (Or perhaps in the middle of our living room.) We hope you enjoy it.

Thank you for listening. And thank you for making your home with us every now and then... It's such a gift.

- Ellery

There are shadows in the songs, she said
shadows, and these blank spaces like gasps,
or awful hesitations.
It's nothing musical, she said, I suppose--
Not that it matters, although sometimes,
or really in the best times, the music makes me--
lonely, or maybe just small, (it's me with all those
empty spaces you know, floating about like I'm
dreaming, except the words feel like earth and dirt
and breath, and those aren't so dreamy are they?
But they're sure. Most times.)
Does everything feel scarce and fleeting to you,
at least sometimes?
Because sometimes, she said, it does to me.
I think you know. There's some kind of--
frightened grasping in the songs. Shadows.
I've seen them before, underneath us,
underneath the smiles, wrinkles, porcelain,
the dirty smudges and lazy eyes.
They must haunt you, she said--


released April 9, 2007

Produced by Ellery
Engineered by Justin Golden, Joshua Ruble, Brian Stritenberger, Jason at Gravity Lounge
Mixed by Justin Golden
Mastered by Brad Blackwood, Euphonic Masters, Memphis TN, www.euphonicmasters.com
Photography by Michael Wilson, michaelwilsonphotographer.com
Art and Design by Able Parris, Office of StudioQ, www.officeofstudioq.com

Justin plays Taylor Guitars

Ellery is Tasha and Justin Golden

Studio versions of tracks 1, 3, 4, 7, 9, 11, 12 originally found on Ellery's 2006 Virt Records release, Lying Awake. Available online and at find record stores everywhere. www.virtrecords.com

All songs by Tasha Golden, music by Tasha and Justin Golden
Tracks 1, 3, 4, 7, 9, 11, 12 ©(p) 2006 Set Adrift Music (ASCAP), Songs 2, 5, 6, 8, 10 ©(p) 2007 Set Adrift Music (ASCAP). All rights reserved.



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Ellery Louisville, Kentucky

Ellery’s intimate, lush-pop songs have been heard in major motion pictures, TV dramas, radio, and taken them across the country over years of touring. Now based in Louisville, KY, the band writes and records between research, mixing projects, and indulging two cats. They make loud louds and quiet quiets. ... more

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Track Name: Song For Lovers
Nights like this were meant for lovers
That’s how they begin
Whisper soft like angel songs
That drift in on the wind

But it only takes a word
To make you shudder in your soul
And that’s all it took tonight
To leave us both like steel and stone

But I can’t live without you
Oh I know I made a mess
I cursed and cried about you,
I could not have meant it less
I could not have meant it less

We were never strong enough
To keep this in our heads
But we were never meant to say
These stupid things we’ve said

And I don’t trust me anymore
Than you can trust me now
Oh but I can’t help hoping good will come
Though I can’t tell you how


And I’m no good at this,
It’s like the story of my life
How I’ve been pounding fists
Against the one sure thing in mine
You’re the one sure thing in mine
Track Name: Wake Up Dear
I woke to what was safer late at night
With the lights dim
Illuminated, it’s staring me down
Now I’m not any braver than I’ve ever been,
And you’ve never been
One to let me feel like I could never let you down

Was I just too quiet all those moments I could feel it
Weighing on our frail and aging dreams?
Thought I was supposed to fight it, maybe wait it out, Shake my doubts
But that’s not how either of us wanted it to be

Wake up, Dear
It’s colder inside than
Your faith or my fear
can shoulder this time

It got cast aside like all the letters
I keep telling you I’ll write
When things slow down, but what does that mean
That I’ll start living life when I can make it fit,
Maybe I'll start caring for you sometime in between?


Go ahead, I’m listening
Got an ear for disappointment
I can hear it on my breath
It’s the same, same story
I can hear it in your sweet sigh

Track Name: Anna 
She was falling asleep with the light on, waiting
With her back to the door and the whole world, fading
He was never no good if he’d leave her, that way
But it’s funny how that’s never made this, okay

Anna, hang on
There is more where all this came from

Well the news made her more than a name but, barely
To the small town of Troy and the Carman, family
Who were told it would be like it all was, back then
That the world could pretend like it never, happened


In your short life, you’ve lived a thousand times
You stood so brave, they robbed you blind
The truth is, there’ll be harder times
It’s okay to say you’re fine
But I’ll be waiting back behind (and)
you can make your troubles mine

Track Name: Arizona
Said he’s doing just fine
95, and biding his time
Empty notebooks and bottles of wine
Collecting newspapers and library fines

We’re talkin’ thousands of days
They came, they stayed, and faded lazy away
Left him standing with that look on his face
Knows he’s got too much and nothing to say

With the whole world, watching him go
Saying live your life or leave us all alone
Us young ones with our never growing old
And his sun goes setting low - in Arizona

It was a Saturday night
He wiped his eyes and turned out the lights
Sixty years and then a silent goodbye
He still forgets and calls her name sometimes

He said he’s easy to please
Short sleeves and jeans with grease on the knees
When you’re outliving every one of your dreams
Don’t do no good to wonder what it all means


She said, “Baby, there’s never been much time
We’ve known it all our lives”
I think she was right

Track Name: My Only Chance
Please, don’t say a word
Still, don’t make a sound
Gentle, I am barely here

Trust comes slow for me
Not my deep regret
Maybe you would rather leave

Don’t close your eyes
They always do, they walk away
I need to know
I haven’t lost my only chance
(to be the person I wanted to be)

I have never been
one to ask too much
Tell me if it’s getting late

Every day is new
But I feel the same
Still defined by who I’ve been


So, you’ve heard it now
This, the song I sing
Underneath the face that smiles back
And says hello
And wonders if you’ll ever see much more

Track Name: Pieces
Figured it out, I should have figured it out by now
It’s nothing but a wish; we all dream of something greater
Ever a doubt, if there was ever any doubt
You find out what you are, yeah, you find out sooner or later

Kept my mouth shut, I should have kept my mouth shut baby
It’s nothing but trouble oh it’s had me here before
No matter what, no matter what I hear me saying
It’s never what I could have said on the other side of your door

Pieces, I’m in pieces
I’m in pieces, I’m invisible

Let it all go, I should have let it all go
Me and all my taking myself so seriously
Enough to know, you’ve been around enough to know
I’d make a mess of plenty more if it was up to me


Or am I, am I blind?
We both lied, we both mind
I won’t cry this time
I always say, I always say I’m fine
Just fine, just fine

Track Name: Know Better Now
It’s quiet in Kentucky
You never ask about me
I never thought about it
Until now

It’s cloudy out my window
Just another TV show
And noises in the hallway
Outside, and

I guess I know better now
That few things ever go
The way that we mean anyhow
That’s better I suppose

You thought that I was joking
When I said I was worried
I’d never love somebody
Like you do

It’s easier on some days
I keep me busy anyway
I read a lot on weekends
Downtown, and


I called while you were working
It’s easier than talking
For just so many reasons
And it’s funny how we speak so clear
While such a mess inside
I mean more than I’m saying here -
You know that just as well as...

Track Name: A Thousand Lies
You did the best you could
That’s all there ever is
You always said I would
Never quite get over this

You meant it like a joke
But you sounded so sure
And anyway, I hoped
I wouldn’t hear it anymore

I love to hear you laugh,
A sweet and airy sound
It catches on your breath
And lifts my feet up off the ground

But oh, I’ve seen you cry
A secret, darkened blush
You hold it all in tight
Or you will lose it in the rush

It took a thousand lies
To make these shadows in your eyes
It’d take a thousand lives
To make it right

Sings out of you like prayer
On soft and sailing songs
It comes from God knows where
It’s pushing you along

But it feels in you like cold
That’s how it’s always been
You’re scared of getting old
In this same thick and wintered skin

Track Name: Long Coat On
It was a long winter for Katie
And she had the worn look to show it
Her roof was old and leaking,
And she was tired of living below it

She didn’t know who lived above her
But this room below she knew too well
She’d read books of friends and lovers
And wanted stories of her own to tell

She had her long coat on
She had that look in her eye
She was wavin’ her hat in her hand
When she said ‘goodbye’

Her mama stood there gawking by the doorway
Would’ve never guessed she’d finally go
Saw her pack then leave behind her suitcase
Sat forgotten in the melting snow

So Katie was away to find her freedom
The winter held her in and let her go
When they said it was a big world, she believed ‘em
But I guess some people have to see to really know


It was a long winter for Katie
But one day Katie had her chance
And back home they never could stop saying
How she left and barely gave them all a second glance...

Track Name: I'm Sorry
It’s a dusty color gold
Out my window on this winter afternoon
And all the voices in me make no sound
I wonder where you are
Tonight I’m going out for coffee
On my side of the world, the sun is going down, going down

I’ve whispered the thought
That maybe you’re more ready than I am
To come to terms with what is going on
Cause I have grown to hate
The way I cover over all my weaknesses
And say I don’t need anyone, anyone

You fall asleep at night on a dirt floor
And I fall asleep warm in my bed, wishing I had more
I’m sorry

You never asked for that
Apologies, or songs that rhyme injustices
That only you could know about
But oh, I want to love you
For more than how it makes me feel
And I won’t be ashamed of what I’ve said out loud, said out loud


I fear for what I have
For all that may be taken from me
And even to the things that can’t I hold too tight
So what am I to say
I hope that there is grace enough to
Lay beneath you, wrap around you warm tonight, warm tonight

Track Name: Be Like This
Your voice was soft
It always is
That’s why I thought
I’d get through this

Your fingertips
Light on my face
Felt like a kiss
That’s my mistake

I was staying up all night
Had every detail memorized
I felt my edges start to slip
I said I wouldn’t be like this
Said I wouldn’t be like this

I told you once
The braver half
Who I’d become if
You ever left

The less there is
Of me to show
The more I wish
You didn’t know


You moved too close
For me to think
Straight, and so
I let me sink

It’s not your fault
I wanted to
I built the walls
I can’t get through


And I apologize for
The way my eyes won’t leave the floor

Track Name: It's Alright
Remember how we chased it like shadows
Life was the ocean; we wanted to swim
Looking back now, it’s just how the path goes
They tell you it’s over; you never begin

We don’t give ourselves time - the way that we used to
To watch it all happen, unfolding in sighs
You’d think we were blind, the things we can see through
The things we look past when emboldened inside

But it’s alright now, it’s alright
The ghosts of our glories are gray-bearded guides
The sound of our sorrows has stirred us inside
(But) I think maybe I’ve never felt more alive

I asked you just once if you thought we could be found
You never did tell me; but I think I know now
Whatever ship comes, by dark sea or gray cloud
As long as the well’s deep, we make it somehow


I don’t know how to make peace or find it
We’re most of us stories we’re scared to explain
But what if there’s sound, somewhere caught behind this
A song we can sing while we’re lying awake